Thursday, August 31, 2006

Stephen Colbert Says...

This is the list of who has been put on notice for the first weekend of college football according to Mr. Colbert.


One of the reasons I started a blog was I couldn't figure out how to get on here and post until right now. Sorry for the inconvience. Band starts at 8 on Saturday!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Steel Trap College Football Picks

In an effort to draw some people out of the woodwork around here, and because college football (thankfully) starts tomorrow night, I thought we'd hear everybody's picks for the upcoming season.

Upon very little consideration, because I'll be making these up as I go along, here are mine:

ACC: Virginia Tech.
Big East: Louisville.
Big Ten: Iowa.
Big 12: Oklahoma.
Pac 10: Cal.
SEC: Auburn.

Sugar Bowl: Louisville vs. Ohio State
Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. West Virginia
Rose Bowl: Iowa vs. Texas
Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Notre Dame
BCS Championship Game: Auburn over Cal

Heisman: Kenny Irons

God, those are terrible picks. Yours will definitely be better than mine. Let's hear 'em.

Do I really agree with this guy about Cal?

Monday, August 28, 2006

Operation: Take One for the Team

As the 2006 college football season draws near, those who live and die with their school can’t help but think about the chances they have, slim as they may be, of hoisting that national championship trophy at Pink Taco Field on January 8, 2007.

So, perceived weaknesses (quarterback, offensive line, secondary…you get the picture) aside, I think I’ve come up with a fool proof plan to ensure that our own Georgia Bulldogs will be that very team.

And the answer was right here under our noses all along.

Now, before I come out and reveal the true secret to Georgia’s success, I’m going to provide you with a few short stories, just to refresh your memories. I apologize for the length, but it needed to be done.

Athens, Ga. - 2 October 2004

One of the most highly anticipated games to be played at Sanford Stadium in recent memory, the 2004 Georgia-LSU game matched up the Nos. 3 and 13 teams in the nation, respectively. The Bulldogs were looking to avenge a pair of losses to the defending national champion Bengal Tigers that they had suffered a year earlier.

There just so happened to be another person in Athens who was seeking some revenge of his own: a frequent topic on this blog, one Rick Schwarz.

This takes us to the Stegeman Coliseum parking lot, in which a group of unsuspecting LSU fans had parked a bright, yellow truck. Rick, surprisingly, took offense to this action, and proceeded
to engage them in an intense stare down, head tilted, hat lying on the asphalt at his feet.

The LSU fans, likely unaware of the challenge to their manhood, looked away quickly, and just like that, Rick was victorious. He decided to celebrate by smashing aluminum cans on his forehead. Over, and over, and over again.

Later that afternoon, Rick decided to attend the Dawg Walk, which happened to be located in a very, very unfortunate area. There is a stream that runs just to the right of Sanford Stadium,
but the only way to get there is to descend a very steep ditch.

This is where the story starts to get a little fuzzy. Apparently in an attempt to relieve himself, Rick took a bit of a tumble into that very ditch.

Although Rick was out of commission at this point, the Bulldog offense certainly was not. They lit up the Tigers, looking every bit like the title contender they were expected to be, by a score of 45-16.

Jacksonville, Fla. - 29-30 October 2004

The final weekend of October would turn out much like the first, for the Georgia football team as well as our hero.

After a well-received screening of a movie called Bad Boys II late Friday night, it was off to Jacksonville for The World’s Largest Outdoor Display Of Academic Rigor. This provided Rick with his weekend entertainment, as he talked of rats, money, and many, many F-bombs.

More cans were crushed (starting to see a pattern here?) on the trip, but this time by his foot. Sound reasonable enough, until you learn that the cans would soon fly out the window of a Ford Explorer (in the passing lane), southbound on Interstate-95 well before sunrise.

The early arrival in Jacksonville would lead to an unfortunately early start to the day’s tailgating. By noon, Rick had overcome his initial reservations about drinking some of Jack Holland’s now infamous “Pink God Almighties.” Once the jug had become mysteriously empty, it was time to head to Alltel Stadium, and to the club seats he had acquired.

Evidently, the club level seats were as comfortable as advertised, because Rick was sound asleep by the end of the first half.

While Georgia pitcher Michael Hyle attempted, unsuccessfully, to wake him, the Bulldogs had built up a 24-7 lead. They would hold on to beat Florida for the first time since 1997, 31-24, to stay in the SEC East race.

Athens, Ga. - 3 September 2005

Georgia would start the 2005 season with many questions surrounding the team. Not only were they uncertain at quarterback, with the unproven D.J. Shockley starting his first game for the Bulldogs, but they also opened up their schedule against trendy upset pick Boise State on national television.

Meanwhile, we return to the Stegeman Coliseum parking lot, where Rick was in need of a pick-me-up. He was running on little, if any (we’re still not sure about that one) sleep, and had a long day ahead of him. Thankfully, help was on the way.

Due to his newfound energy, Rick was ready to fire up the grill. Never mind that it’s still 10 a.m., these people look like they could use some Lemon Pepper and/or Cajun burgers.
Anyway, we all know the drill. Cans, meet forehead.

And Georgia sees another offensive explosion, jumping out to a 38-0 lead, on their way to a 48-13 win.

That’s not even to mention the 2005 games Rick didn’t even see in person. There’s the Tennessee game, where a hair brush was rubbed on the TV screen as Jason Allen writhed in pain, and Scooby Snacks were eaten. And don’t forget the SEC Championship Game, after which sugar fell, literally, from the sky at the famous General Beauregard’s, and the Dixieland Teas flowed like wine.

If you haven’t caught on by now, there seems to be a correlation between Rick’s, um, exploits, and Georgia’s success on the field.

So, as for Georgia winning a national title this year: Rick, you know what you have to do.

"Just Another Day in Paradise"

Today, after pulling up next to a green jeep grand cherokee belonging to a friend of Rick's, I made my way up to softball field #9 ( We were supposed to be on field # 10 but someone that used to play right field on my old softball team was doing an instructional hitting video shoot there). Anyways, after the teacher(who probably knows CW3 Carl since they're both from Washington) is done with role, a fellow dressed in a polo shirt tucked into his jeans with an obvious can of dip in his right back pocket walks up. When the teacher asks his name, the kid casually responds, "Mathews". The teacher checks his role and says that he does not have a Mathews in the class and then asks the kid what his first name is to which the kid responds, "Mathews". Now, I was not in the right frame of mind to even hear his last name but frankly I did not care. Man, they sure do make it easy.

Livin' the Dream: Tailgating

Well, it's game week, so it's only natural for this week's edition of "Livin' the Dream" to feature some stylish gameday attire.

And this one has it all.

Headband? Check.
Wristband? Check.
Plaid pants? Check.
"Hilariously" large sunglasses? Check.
Double-fisting Bud Lights? Check.
Mocking dude who has to cook hamburgers for drunken frat bros? Check.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Georgia Bulldog Blog

I'd say it's a safe bet that most of the people reading this feel like they stay pretty up-to-date on what's going on with the Georgia football team, especially this time of year, thanks to the practice notes posted on every day.

Well, I've found another blog that goes as in-depth as any I've read on any sport, and it just so happens that it's all about Georgia football. David Ching is the Georgia beat writer for the Columbus Ledger-Inquirer, and he recently began posting just about all the information he gets at practice each day for anyone to read, at his Georgia Bulldog Blog.

Reading back through the archives, there's some great stuff on SEC Media Days, preseason camp, and even the new tailgating laws. Hopefully, it'll get even better once some actual football is being played.

Either Paul Oliver is really good, or our quarterbacks are really bad.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


I would like to take this to congratulate JD on an excellent golfing season (seeing how that dumbass Tom Lehman didn't make JD a captain's pick on the Ryder Cup team which means the U.S. will definitely lose now). JD played in 17 events, making the cut in 7 of those events and recording 1 top 25 finish. However, with a Lionheart, JD is not letting this get him down. He's coming out with his own collection of wines which should hit store shelves within the next couple of months. That's why JD is my hero- his Lionheart. I look forward to seeing him complete the Daly Slam next year. Unfortunately I was not able to find JD's song to attach to this blog so these pictures will have to do.

I've met "Milagros"

Today I came strolling into Russell Hall attempting to arrive at my ECHD class a little early. However, the door was locked, and our teacher was nowhere to be found. Finally, the hoodlum shows up and unlocks the door for us. Upon our entrance, the cleaning lady was just finishing vacuuming around the seats. Then, out of nowhere, our professor proclaims the word, Malagros, obviously aimed at the cleaning lady. YES! It was her! After all this time hearing Rickie talk about her, I finally got to meet her face to face and even hear her say a few words in her beautiful accent. Malagros sure as hell exists, and she made my day. Now, I'm just waiting on Paul Webber...

Further Reading

The word milagros means "miracle" in Spanish. Typically, in Mexico, the use of milagros is connected with an institution known as the “manda”. This where a person will ask a favor a saint, and then, in order to repay the saint after the favor has been granted, one must make a pilgrimage to the shrine of that saint, and take a milagro and leave it there. These milagros are typically pinned to some object of devotion in the shrine, and often a small prayer of thanks is added, written of a piece of paper, typically.
People also might carry a milagro with them in order to get its benefit. For instance, a curandera - a spiritual healer - might bless a milagro and recommend that the person carry it in her pocketbook or on her person, in order to cure a physical ailment or to ward off evil, or bring about a change of fortune.
Milagros can represent specific objects, persons, or even animals, or they might represent concepts that might be symbolized by the object represented in the milagro. For instance, a head might represent a person, a person’s head, the mind, the spirit, a condition such a headache, or whatever concept that the owner or that a curandero or curandera might assign to it.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Livin' the Dream, Pt. 1

Judging by the first two posts Patrick made here, I take it that fraternities will no doubt end up a recurring theme on the blog. And while I realize that we're probably playing into the frat guys' hands by wasting so much time and energy talking about them (i.e. they're "getting our ass"), I've decided that it's just too much fun not to.

I say this because this is the inaugural edition of Only in America's first weekly series: "Livin' the Dream."

"Livin' the Dream" will feature a picture or pictures of people (likely the aforementioned frat guys) living a life you and I could only "dream" of. Rather than try to explain "LTD," I'll just let this week's picture do the talking.

Nominations are always welcome.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

"Running on the Edge of Time"

Since this blog has been named after one of Rick's infamous sayings, I thought it would only be appropriate to include this video in my first post here:

Get this video and more at

As you all should know, the song featured in this fantastic example of the latest in early-eighties video production technology can be found on the classic* album Bulldog Boogie. You should also know that you will hear this song on a minimum of seven Saturdays this fall, and I, for one, can't wait.

"Big man, you'll always be/ High steppin' into history"

*includes hits such as "Georgia Puppy Love" and "Dixie Dawgs"

Red and Black

It's about time the Red and Black got something right. God only knows how many people are going to go nuts on the editorial page on Monday!


Alright so I'm going to give this thing a shot and see how yall like it. So welcome to the "Only in America" blog. As you can see (and I'm sure you've heard too many damn times) the title comes from one of Rick's most infamous lines. This blog is hopefully for all of you who 1.) Go to UGA (with the exception of S Murda). 2.) Hate fraternities ( if you haven't seen the Red and Black cartoon from Friday, you need to). 3.) Are a Benedictine graduate. 4.) Plan your schedule around St. Patrick's Day every year. 5.) And love college football. I couldn't think of any more so I'll end it right there. You might think this is just another version of BMBS but I assure you that we will be more sports oriented. Feel free once I figure out how to get yall on here to post anything about UGA, BC, football, Rick, Rand and Katy marriage proposals ( or for that matter major fights), drunken stories, or anything that you just feel like telling us. I'm going to end it on that so I hope yall enjoy.